Man threatens divorce after wife receives olive branch from his estranged sister.
People have really different philosophies on family grudges, some believe life is too short to hold onto beef from years past, and that there’s always a path to reconciliation.
Others believe you should hold a strong boundary no matter how many times a family member tries to slip back into your life.
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, unfortunately, which means a lot of conflict can be ongoing.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he’s wrong for telling his wife to butt out of his family drama.
AITA for forbidding my sister to meet my child and telling my wife to butt out of the situation?
So the judgment is pretty much exactly as the title suggests. I will provide context though. So I (28M) have been married to my wife for 4 years and we have a 2-year-old son together. My older sister Ariel has 2 kids with her husband.
She is my only sibling but we do not speak and haven’t since my wedding 4 years ago. My wife knew I had no relationship with my sister or mother whenever we got together but now it’s causing an argument.
We were a pretty typical family until my mom cheated my senior year of high school with a coworker. My dad moved out immediately and I moved with him. This caused the riff between me and my sister.
My sister believed since my mom was sorry and it was a one time thing (as she claimed which I don’t for a second believe) and was trying to reconcile thru the church that me and my dad’s refusal to speak with her was somehow wrong.
I was 18 and my sister was 20. Long story but eventually my sister stopped speaking with my dad. I haven’t seen my mom since 2016 and we have only spoken once since in 2019 when she tried to invite herself to my wedding.
She was not invited but my sister was out of courtesy. My sister didn’t show up and we have not spoken since. My wife knew when she married me that my only family was my dad and my cousins. She said it was okay and she didn’t care.
So a few months ago my wife got a call from my sister’s husband (I’ve never met him) and he said that he wanted to start mending the bridge and would like to have me come meet their kids. I said no.
Well then my sister started sending pics of her kids to my wife and my wife sent pictures back. I told her multiple times I did not like this and she told me she could send pics to whoever she wants.
I said if she keeps testing my boundaries she’ll be a single parent soon. That she signed up for me as is. My wife is saying it’s wrong to deprive my son of his family. I said I don’t even have a relationship with my sister or BIL so why should my kid?
That doesn’t make me feel comfortable at all and I don’t even know these people. Also, any pic she sends could easily be forwarded to my mom and she needed to think about that.
She said she doesn’t even understand why my mom can’t meet her kid and that comment alone pissed me off because I’ve explained my family drama for years and it feels like she just ignored it.
I said she really needs to think about who she wants to appease because I’m not gonna stand for disrespect of my boundaries. My dad totally agrees with me and is telling me I should start setting aside money now for an exit strategy.
Because my wife’s behavior is exactly how my mom used to act and I should see the warning signs now. AITA?
People shared their questions, thoughts, and judgments.
NTA. This was all clearly defined at the beginning of your relationship. Why does she even care? Follow your dad’s advice.
INFO: what’s with the single parent threat? Are you seriously willing to leave your child over this?
OP answered in a series of comments that changed people’s perception of the post.
I’m aware how the courts work. Given I make more money but have less family support and a more demanding job, I will get every other weekend custody. So she needed to be prepared for that if she wants to keep playing these games.
I’ve seen enough men go thru the divorce process that I already know what will happen. I will not allow myself to keep being disrespected. I will start a new family and try again but in no way will I sit in a situation where I’m being bulldozed.
This is definitely above Reddit’s paygrade. You need to seek out therapy for your parents’ divorce, and couples counseling for you and your wife.
My completely uneducated opinion is that it seems like your father weaponized your emotions against your mother – and he’s using those same emotions to drive a wedge between you and your wife.
She crossed a line but your father should stay out of it. You’re now issuing relationship-ending ultimatums
over a couple pictures. She’s not blameless either, you guys need to seek some help to process this.
Going NC with your mother over her infidelity seems way too harsh. But again, therapy.
OP, I say this gently…your anger towards your mother and sister overwhelms your entire post. I understand that what you mother did upset you. But I think your father allowed you to take on some of his anger towards her.
I’m not saying that your mother didn’t make a mistake. But it was between her and your Dad. I’m sorry for how it affected your family. Your sister is also a victim of this dynamic. Please, please get into therapy.
The degree of anger you still hold on to is palpable, and the fact that your father is encouraging an exit strategy from YOUR marriage is telling. The fact that you are threatening your wife with single parenthood is also setting off alarm bells.
I’m not even going to make an AH rating. This is beyond the sub, and you truly need to get some help for yourself and your family. Best of luck.
Seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I agree. I think both siblings became way involved in their parents’ marriage falling apart.
Also while I don’t agree with the wife’s behavior here, his dad already planting the seeds that she’s gonna cheat seems like extreme projecting.
"Because my wife’s behavior is exactly how my mom used to act and I should see the warning signs now."
I don’t see how the two things are connected. Whether OP mends his relationship with his sister or not I think he needs to take a step away from his dad too and get some serious therapy to deal with what happened before he loses his own family.
ESH, but you suck the hardest.
“If she keeps testing your boundaries she’ll be a single woman soon”? Like what? You’re threatening your wife, the lady that carried and gave birth to your kid just a couple years ago, because you have mommy issues?
Your sister didn’t cheat on you too, get over it. She’s petty too. Your dad is an a*s for encouraging you to get divorced and making the comps to your mom when your wife did nothing but accept an olive branch.
You are wrong for depriving your kid from his family, unless you think your mom cheating makes her unfit as a grandparent.
I had a lot of similar trauma with my parents and serial cheating and divorce, etc., and you’ll be happier with yourself and life once you realized that people are nuanced and accept them for who they are, and not who you’d like them to be.
Clearly, OP could use some therapy and some in-depth conversations with his wife and sister.
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January 25, 2023 at 04:03AM